Hermione is evil! And going to the chapel PART1
by AAlanna Potter
Summary: Hermione and Ron? Fwaaaaaaa? Read and review. Email me at skittlez623@hotmail.com to tell me how YOU think this should end!


Hermione: Good afternoon Penelope! Yes, did you get that new book from the library? Penelope: *backing away* Yes, yes I did. It is quite good. I must be off. Hermione: You are not getting away that easily. TEACH ME YOUR PERFECT PREFECT WAYS! Penelope: Help me! Hermione: So, what do you say your influence is of your greatness? Penelope: *sobbing* Please, let me go back to my common room in peace! Hermione: Never! I must be Head Girl. I must be!  
  
Penelope runs toward the stairs with Hermione screaming at her from a short distance. *SLAM* Penelope's weak chin hits the stairs. In her sheer panic, she had forgotten that trick stair. She flips onto her back, cringing as Hermione inches closer still.  
  
Penelope: Please, please have mercy!  
  
Hermione's eyes glow red and evil shines through her young flesh.  
  
Hermione: Bwahahahahahahahaha!  
  
Harry: Hermione? Where are you?  
  
Hermione [to Penelope] You got lucky this time. Harry doesn't always stay by my side.  
  
Ron: Hermione, I need to talk to you in private.  
  
Harry: Well, let's go to Myrtle's bathroom. It is pretty secret in there. No one will hear us.  
  
Hermione: Great idea Harry, it would be ideal if-  
  
Ron: No, this doesn't concern you Harry.  
  
Harry: What?  
  
Ron: I SAID THIS DOESN'T CONCERN YOU!  
  
Harry: I heard you, but I just can't believe it.  
  
Hermione: Finally, my chance in the spotlight. *squeals* Maybe I can have my own beanie baby!  
  
Ron: Right well, g'bye Harry! Move down the line.  
  
Harry is wondering what the heck they would want to talk about. He watched holding back his tears as Ron and Hermione ascend up the stairs. He follows.  
  
Penelope: Ahhhhhhhh! She returned! I am done for!  
  
Ron: Are you alright, you better see Madam Pomfrey about this.  
  
Penelope: You are walking next to the devil woman! DEVIL WOMAN!  
  
Ron: Seriously, I mean it.  
  
They walk away leaving Penelope sobbing into her Ravenclaw robes. As Hermione walks away, she growls at her. Penelope screams and passes out. Once out of sight and earshot, Harry kneels down next to Penelope and takes out his wand.  
  
Harry: Revivia!  
  
Penelope stirs with a jolt. She opens her mouth to emit a shriek, but Harry covers her mouth with his hand.  
  
Harry: You alright?  
  
Penelope: Mmph fwumph---  
  
Harry: *taking his hand away* Oh, sorry. What was that?  
  
Penelope: I said your hands smell like raspberries.  
  
Harry: Well thank you, I exfoliate daily and have a regime of aromatherapy treatments.  
  
Penelope: That is nice, but you should not leave your friend alone with- HER!  
  
Harry: Hermione?  
  
Penelope: Yes, she has been terrorizing me ever since she arrived at Hogwarts. She has issues, always wanting to be the best and such.  
  
Harry: So?  
  
Penelope: Last year she wanted to eat me so she could absorb my prefectness.  
  
Harry: Ewwwwww!  
  
Penelope: Go and save your friend! It is too late for me. *explodes*  
  
Harry: Why do people always seem to explode around here? Hey, a jelly bean on the floor! *pops it into his mouth* Nasty! It tastes like Snape's dirty, disgusting hair!  
  
Snape: [in a panicked voice] Where did my hair treatment capsule go? I must find it! My hair is becoming luxorious and smooth again. Nooooo!  
  
Harry: *spitting out black grease onto the carpet* Filch is going to kill me. I forgot about Ron!  
  
He creeps along the corridors until he stops in front of the girl's bathroom. He tries to open the door- it is locked. He takes out his wand.  
  
Harry: Fer- *wand fizzles* Oh no! Hermione put an anti-unlock charm on it.  
  
A silvery figure appears in front of him. It is Moning Myrtle.  
  
Myrtle: Harry, I can here what they are saying. Oh, it will make your skin crawl!  
  
Harry: Tell me!  
  
Myrtle: Ah, now I have something you want. Now you are keen of ugly Myrtle.  
  
Harry: Don't forget bloated.  
  
Myrtle: *bursting into sobs*  
  
Harry: What are they saying!  
  
Myrtle: I won't tell you. Unless, you tell me you love me.  
  
Harry: I love you.  
  
Myrtle: With FEELING!  
  
Harry: No! Just tell me!  
  
Myrtle: It is wonderful, umm. Ron has just proposed to Hermione.  
  
Harry: Wait- what? Proposed as in m-m-marriage?  
  
Myrtle: Yes, don't know what he sees in her.  
  
Harry: Back it up here. Ron and HERMIONE! Surely she will say no!  
  
Hermione: *sqealing* Yes Ron! I will marry you!  
  
Harry: Did that just really happen?  
  
The door opens and Ron and Hermione come out holding hands. Ron: Oh, hullo Harry!  
  
Harry: Anything new Ron?  
  
Hermione: Going to the chapel and we're gonna get maaaaaaarrrried. Goin' to the chapel of love!  
  
Ron: Shush Hemione!  
  
Hermione giggles. Harry looks horrified.  
  
Harry: [thinking to himself] They were almost to the point of strangling each other last week. Hermione is turning evil too. She made Percy's girlfriend explode. I have to get them to cancel the wedding.  
  
Ron: Fine, Hermione and I are getting married tomorrow!  
  
Harry: Tommorow?  
  
Hermione: Yes, isn't this jsioahdlfgkodjihjoshdigdisasy?  
  
Ron: Fwaaaaa?  
  
Hermione: Well, I wasn't sounding smart enough. Had to invent my own word. Oooo maybe I can have my own Pokemon! Hermionichu! Luv it!  
  
Harry: Ron, aren't you a little young to be hitched?  
  
Ron: Well, in the wizarding world, I was supposed to marry a squirrel when I was six. Hermione kind of looks like one if you squint your eyes like this.  
  
Hermione: *head growing really big as she says this* DON'T INSULT LORD HERMIONAMOLT! Erm. I mean, that is not an adequate analysis of me Ron.  
  
Harry: Ron, I find marrying Hermione will be a step in the wrong direction. I don't think you should do this. She just called herself "Lord Hermionamolt!"  
  
Ron: [dreamily] Yeah *sigh* isn't she brilliant?  
  
Harry: No!  
  
Hermione turns around with her eyes glowing red. Harry feels his scar hurting. This isn't a good sign. 


End file.
